
I never thought there was much truth in those stories that ridicule writers' attempts at getting their manuscripts noticed until I started canvassing agents and publishers and came across the weird and the wonderful first-hand. For your enjoyment today, and in no particular order, some hair-raising blunders of the 'how not to approach an agent' variety. And, of course, if you are an agent or publisher, I'd love to hear your own special stories. Why did the author add white powder to his submission during the anthrax scare? It freaked us all out and his submission ended up in a test lab. I got a spec query scribbled on a piece of cardboard posted through the letterbox. Don't spray your perfume on your submission. Are you Elle Woods? And maybe it's time you visit the counter for something less... overpowering. I don't return manuscripts within twenty-four hours, sorry. Why do you think 'I know where you live' is supposed to help you? My other clients are 'commercial dross'? Tough shit. Don't send me vouchers, not even the 'fine variety' from Argos please. I don't do callbacks, especially not at a time set by the writer. Once I received a submission from a writer who insisted I represented his fantasy novel, even though it is quite clearly pointed out on my website that I do not represent fantasy, nor am I ever going to. Don't tell me that all of your friends have loved your novel and that I will too.... Read more →