Process Blunders

In 2007 I listened to Poppy Adams talk about her novel, The Behaviour of Moths. She spoke of the day she finished her manuscript, when she picked up the phone, called a few agents and very nearly screeched down the line that she had written a novel and would you be interested? This approach did not yield much besides a string of 'thanks but no thanks... click'. Poppy eventually succeeded in publishing her work. Unlike many authors who shy away from good connections in order to promote a life of merit built on tears, poverty and rejection, she confessed that she asked colleagues and family whether anyone knew an agent or anyone in publishing and it was through networking that she landed representation and, later, a deal (and here's a lesson for every prospective writer: don't regard time spent networking as wasted time, as you really do not know where those idle chats will lead you and your work).

This finishing-a-manuscript-and-calling-up-an-agent is one of the funniest, most spectacular blunders in relation to the writing process. I first heard about this when I was at university and, quite frankly, I assumed it was an urban legend perpetrated by content writers with nothing better to do than talking rubbish. Oh no, it's all true and it still happens. You should not go down this route under any circumstances, and neither should you ever turn up unannounced at an agent's (or publisher's) office requesting your manuscript to be assessed there and then, not unless you want to be escorted out of the building by security and blacklisted for ever more. Still, there are four process blunders that are even more dangerous than the ridiculously funny ones. 

1. Do not write what is in fashion. 

Get yourself to any bookstore and you'll notice copycat books everywhere. The success of the Twilight Saga has spawn countless more texts about brooding love of beyond-the-grave sort, black paperbacks with bleeding cover art. I still know one guy who persists on penning 'the next Landover', except he must have missed the publication of the subsequent four or five volumes by Terry Brooks himself. Don't go writing something that is in fashion just because you think that jumping on the bandwagon will make it easier to find a publisher. By the time you've finished writing, we will have all moved on to something else. 

2. Do not write for children because you think it will be easier than writing for adults. 

This is one of the most glaring mistakes a prospective writer can make. Children's literature isn't easier, quicker, funnier or lighter than any other type of fiction. In fact, it can be harder to pen because, as adults, we are no longer used to communicate complex emotions in simple terms. By all means go and enjoy Jacqueline Wilson's simple prose but don't go off thinking you can do the same in the evening after work. You may as well start collecting iced matchsticks.

3. Do not ask friends and family to comment on your writing. 

Most importantly, do not ever tell an agent or publisher that your friends, children, colleagues or mum have defined your novel as 'unputdownable, even John Doe, who never reads anything'. Are your friends literary experts? Why do you think postgraduate degrees are judged by academics instead of bakers or tailors? Do yourself a favour and give a copy of your work to your circle after it's published. 

4. Do not conduct research on the internet. 

This is an extremely sore spot for writers of non-fiction. We all know that typing anything in Google will get us an answer one hundred times faster than getting up, reaching for a book on the shelf, looking for the entry we need and maybe bee-lining it to the kitchen to put the kettle on would do. However, while not everything on the net is dross, there is no quality control over the info that is out there. Proceed with extreme caution. 

Comments

[Nik Perring]

Sound advice, Steph.

[Louise Barson]

I have recently finished reading the book The Behaviour of Moths and very much enjoyed it.
It sounds as if I was lucky to get to read it at all if Poppy had not changed her way of contacting publishers.

Louise Barson www.silverconcierge.co.uk

[Stephanella]

I guess that, in a way, it was slightly easier for Poppy than your average writer, as she had made documentaries for the BBC among others and was already circulating in a media-related environment. Still, she was trying to go the supposed traditional route which means her work may have never gone to press. She admitted that the few agents who eventually read the novel didn't like it.