I find talking about me not that interesting, yet I know that the About Me page of any site is always the most visited. So instead of giving you the David Copperfield-esque version of who I am, I am borrowing from the ever-wonderful Financial Times which, every week, publishes an interview in questionnaire form. Saves me, and you my dear, gentle reader, lots of drivel.

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What was your earliest ambition?

To be an eye surgeon. This was before I realised that I cannot have a blood test without passing out. 

Public school or state school? University or straight into work?

State school for primary and secondary, then public at college. I graduated before I went into work, then took more postgraduate courses.

Who was your mentor?

My wonderful supervisor at the uni. He's more than a mentor now, he's one of my closest friends.

How physically fit are you?

Not very. I have a spinal injury and I am in pain, more or less, every day. I tend to gauge my physical fitness against the level of pain I'm feeling, which is the reason why I'm often in a huff regarding the former even though it's quite unrelated to the latter.

Have you ever taken an IQ test?

No. I'm quite, quite certain I'd score very low. If my life depended on a lateral-thinking puzzle, I'd easily die.

How politically committed are you?

Not very, although I've been known to vote on occasion.

Do you consider your carbon footprint?

Oh yes. I'm certain that, should I throw a paper scrap into the tin-and-glass bin, I'd burn in recycling hell.

Do you have more than one home?

No. My ultimate goal is, in fact, to live in a hotel, say The Waldorf Astoria or Claridge's. 

What would you like to own that you don't currently possess?

An Aston Martin, in hot pink.

What's your biggest extravagance?

A Tom Ford for Yves Saint Laurent dress. And cabs.

In what place are you happiest?

In my own bed every evening, as I'm about to fall asleep and tell myself what happens next in the stories I'm writing.

What ambitions do you still have?

Lots and lots of them, but at the moment to learn Chinese and tango rank at the top of the list. 

What drives you on?

Love is the answer and you know that for sure.

What is the greatest achievement of your life so far?

Never giving up.

What has been your greatest disappointment?

My first job.

If your 20-year-old self could see you now, what would she think?

God, and she survived?!

If you lost everything tomorrow, what would you do?

What I've done a few times already, that is, starting again.

If you had a coat of arms what would be on it?

An open book, with the effigy of two Dalmatian dogs, one on the left page, one on the right, crowned by Pegasus, and encased by a green and purple ribbon. It would rest upon a scroll spelling VICTORIA, which is Latin for 'victory' and the name of my second dog who passed away in 2016.

Do you believe in assisted suicide?

I'm tempted to say yes but, in truth, I'd rather not think about it.

Do you believe in an afterlife?

Yes.

If you had to rate your satisfaction with your life so far, out of ten, what would you score?

Five. And I'd rather not elaborate on that score.